Feedback developments and new storyboards

I have made changes to my storyboards based on the feedback from my pitch.
Firstly, I simplified my sponsorship end to make it sharper and more effective. Below is the new storyboard for my sponsorship end. There are only three shots in this part as I tried to make it shorter and more like a sponsorship sequence. It begins with a close up of hands shaking with diegetic sound "I am pleased to offer you the job" this shot will last 3 seconds. The next shot will be a long shot of the girl walking outside, she jumps up in the air and shouts 'yes!' with Morale and the slogan over the top of the shot and diegetic sound with a female voice saying 'Morale.co.uk sponsors Hollyoaks'















I have also changed TV advert 1 to make it also more simple and effective as I tried to complicate it originally and it wouldn't have looked as good. I have changed it so that the first bit is of a girl walking through the school corridors in her regular dull clothes with no one noticing her, there is then a shot of her getting pushed out of the way to emphasise that she is invisible in her dull clothes. There is then a series of shots showing the girl on the computer on the Morale website and the doorbell going to represent the arrival of her clothing from Morale. It then cuts to the same girl in a completely new outfit, from Morale. The non-diegetic music used in all of the adverts comes in as we see the girl walking through the corridors being noticed. This is followed by a close up of younger students saying "I heard she gets her clothing from Morale" which reinforces her visibility confidence boost when wearing Morale clothing. This idea was inspired by the Debenhams advert I researched. http://melissakerrisonadvancedportfolio.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/clothing-advert-research-8.html I found this really effective because it gave the impression that the girl used magic to produce Debenhams clothing, portraying it as magical and desirable. In a way I incorporated this into my advert as through the narrative, it is clear that Morale clothing has suddenly given the girl an identity and made her recognisable. I feel this would be a lot more effective and successful in comparison to my previous idea.